S TENSION.

It sounds weird but watching the X files lately has me thinking a lot about sexual tension.

Its one of those unexplainable things that just occurs with certain people with or without your consent.

It can be intimdating and exciting all at the same time.

It is also hilarious to watch as an outsider.

And it usually occurs when you least expect it.

Like one of my friends recently always had this sexual tension with a boy and then out of nowhere it was like a cauldron bubbling over and they made out. good on them.

But I cant help but muse over the fact of it as a feeling or an emotion. It is a scarce and often weird feeling that can produce so many different reactions.

Like I cant stand that playful ribbing each other kind of sexual tension that comes in the form of insults and jabs at appearance. I think its a little too childish for me.

But I like that sexual tension that can be transferred within a look or a sentence in which you both know what each other are thinking, and there is that little lightning bolt that hits every one of your nerve endings.

I think it is one of the little joys of life that goes unrecognised most of the time due to embarrasment or maybe just the fact that no one else can feel it except for the two (or three) involved in it.

Also, it can be one of the things that disappears first in a relationship, i suppose, unless you are very lucky.

Is it just physical attraction that propels this kind of tension?

Or is it something that is meant to happen because of the make up of who you are?

I remember one morning on a kick on, my friend Ruari asked for a blanket, so I gave him my doona only to hear him exclaim "ohhhhh! girl smell! do you know if you are attracted to a girls scent you are compatible with her?"

that scene has stayed with me for way too long. I think about it a lot.

You know how with some people they have a certain scent?

And its just their scent.

I always wonder if other people can smell what you can, or if it is just made for you?

Which all goes back to this sexual tension business. It could be a sign of compatability in a sexual or attraction sense. Or it could be the fact that you havent had a root in 5 months. Who knows.

Like, I wonder if you can choose who you have this attraction to, or if it is just about who you are and what you like.

I see some of my friends being attracted to the same types of people and I cant help but be amused or interested at what it is that attracts them to that person.

For instance,

My friend Bridie always goes for the surfer kind of boys, they are usually on the shorter side and have a laid back attitude. EVERYTIME.

Whereas I cant seem to pinpoint what I am attracted to, maybe its a reflecting of my personality that I seem to go for polar opposites and dont really have a pattern when it comes to boys.

Like at the moment, a sleeve tattoo will make me lose my mind but when I was nineteen I wouldnt have even thought about it. I know that sounds so dicky to point out one physical aspect but its the god damn truth.

The one thing I am enjoying about being single is that sexual tension that you have with near strangers, you dont know much about them except for the fact that youre a little bit scared to look them in the eye for the pure thought that you might not be able to control yourself and ravish them in a tent or something. (not relating to splendour at alllllllll)

by the way, this is the second post that is relating to David Duchovny who has earned the honourary DILF of the decade award in my own mind.

I hope he enjoys the kudos.

SEX, RELIGION & POLITICS.

This could be a topic that should never be addressed as it may cause a bit of a stir due to the range of opinions that come with it.

but oh well.

So as we have all heard, Julia Gillard is now the Prime Minister.

Its true. everyones talking about it. a woman is now the leader of our country in a political sense.

Maybe its the people im friends with on Facebook, but I have noticed a lot of slander about the fact that she is a woman.

This is 2010.

I dont know if anyone has caught on, but the 1950's were 60 years ago.
60 years.

That is a long time to drag on mysoginistic banter reflecting a notion of "ME MAN YOU WOMAN ME GOOD YOU NOT AS GOOD AS ME"
that doesnt even really make sense anymore.

I mean, I even saw a status update that went:

"Our country has gone to shit, we have a woman for a PM"

Is it really that intimidating?
Do you think it will come to that time of the month and she will throw out a stimulus package allowing people to only buy Cleo magazine and chocolate?
Or will see be irrational in running the country, because of what lies beneath her undies?

It so fucking archaic and sad.

I havent seen so many sexist remarks in 24 hours than I have in a lifetime. Which is shocking i suppose.

How the fuck can women still be a minority?

So you think its funny to put down chicks in front of people so that you can maybe hopefully grow an extra 3 inches onto your dick so that when you do bend over in the shower you can (finally) manage to give yourself head.

To be honest its kind of weird to see young people throwing girls under the bus because of their gender. Have your parents or people who reflected their bullshit onto you while you were growing up actually mean that much to you that you repeat their own belief system without questioning authority to come to your own conclusion?

I just guess I got lost in the belief that we had moved past that as a generation, and looked back at our ancestors racist and sexist remarks at christmas time with a look of

"oh pop, you really have no idea."

But you know what, I cant sit here and type all this shit without saying that at some point in my life I have fuelled the sexist fire by playing dumb, or sacrificing my own needs for a boys.

I think in some senses, and some girls do actually play up to the stepford way without even realising it.

Like remember at school discos when straight girls used to kiss straight girls in an effort to produce some pubescent guy's third boner for his lifetime?

And when the art of being a "listener" to guys instead of actually saying what you are thinking which might be "enough with the talking about your work and what you did on the weekend with your BOYS, and please just go down on me and leave."

It is also a funny thing that I know amongst girls Ive chatted with that being called a "feminist" pretty much translates to a ball busting lesbian who does boot camp on a saturday.

I think I am a feminist, and I am not a ball busting lesbian who does boot camp on a saturday.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. Its just not a stereotype that I fit in to.

Someone fucking has to be a fucking feminist. Im sick of girls calling each other sluts and bitches and whores, and valuing some dweeb with a body odour problem over their own friendships.

People fuck up, shit happens, but if there is no sisterhood the way there is a brotherhood, then we are just on a downhill slope back to 1955.

Living on Uni Campus at Hawkesbury taught me that. Just as much as the brotherhood stood strong, the sisterhood on campus was just as sturdy. Might sound a bit camp, but we had chants that were designed just for us to throw back in the boys faces when they would say derogatory slurs coming off from a long night on the rum cans. There, I learnt the true meaning of what it is to be a girl amongst girls who had your back before anyone else, ever.

And i cant decide whether or not short skirts and tits out and all that Zoo magazine shit is liberating women or not?

On one hand it seems as though the women are holding the cards, whereas on the other hand it is an objectifying view of women used for guys to do whatever the fuck they want with.



(if only they made Zoo waterproof)

BLANK WHITE PAGE & A SWELLING RAGE.

A little birdy told me recently that single people have about 186 conflicting thoughts about love every day.

I think I might have just about that amount.

I know I have already touched upon this subject but I am actually astounded as to the rate at which young lovers are shacking up in these winter months.

Is it because it is one of the coldest we have had in a while?

Or is it that cupid has descended over Australia as a country?

I wonder if the little cherub actually exists.

And where the bloody hell is he?

One of my friends who is known as the 'Samantha' to our group of friends has even fallen into the beautiful trap that love is.

These conflicting thoughts range from the farthest reaches of the spectrum and back again when it comes to me.

Some days I couldnt believe that I would want to be anything but single and living "free" whatever that means. I suppose free to plan without thinking of anyone else and living out whatever I want whenever that may be.

Then other days I think that perhaps getting tangled up in the vines with someone else wouldnt be too bad.

It is a constant whirlpool of redundant thoughts with no real outcome but I cant stop the thoughts as if my head and my heart are schizophrenic gladiators who are fighting to the death in the colosseum that is my body.

HEAVY.

But I am sort of holding on to the edge of my seat to see what happens in the months that follow all this sickeningly sweetness that is filling the air around me. No wonder Im always short of breath.

I suppose this being the longest time I have been single in my life since I was 16 might have something to do with feeling like a quiet observer (sometimes even a peeping tom pervert without even meaning to).

This love shit has made me feel a bit like I just ate 20 kilograms of fairy floss however. I am growing a bit tired of the gushing stories about how sweet he is, or the things that are shared and said.

I know I sound like a bitter old spinster cow who hasnt been milked in five years (ha ew), but it is just getting a tiny bit too much.

Im dying to hear just a flat out dirty ass story about how someone fucked a chick and she came all over the walls or something.

Might be a bit too much, maybe, but you get the idea. Single stories are the best!

No one wants to hear about how five dozen violet roses were sent to you at work and you spent the whole day deciding which twice baked mother of pearl frosted cupcake to eat first, then you went home to the dude who obviously has no money or balls left, but he still took you out to thai and then you went home and snuggled so hard that you both got hemorrhoids. But it was cute because the next day we went to the doctors holding hands and then went home and applied each others creams.

I want to hear about some man-whore who not only took you of your dignity, but made you go all the way to pluto and back without leaving the back of his van. Then you walked home with hair that looks like an eagle laid an egg in your hair, make up down to your ankles, heels in hand and gravel in feet,

but a big fucking smile on your face.

EGO IS NOT A DIRTY WORD.

I cant decide whether or not im getting pretty sick and tired of derogatory comments.

Is it a ploy for attention?
Or something that is just natural when they flock in packs?
Or is it making up for a certain lacking?

I dont know if i can be bothered to care.
But I find that the "ego" is one of those things that girls will just never understand.

I personally think the "ego" and all the bells and whistles that come with it is a way of making someone feel uncomfortable or small so that the other counterpart can feel big and mighty at the expense of little one.

When i see this "ego" in all of its glory I cant help but feel a twang of pity towards the egotistic as if that person needs to feel mighty by using all these phrases and bitching and what not, instead of just talking and maybe even having a legitimate conversation that doesnt involve putting the other person in an awkward position.

Also, the rate at which things are blown out of proportion are another sign of an ego.

By no means am i complaining or suggesting that Ego is a dirty word.

Its not.
Its what attracts girls to boys.
Its what might make you funny.

But usually Im laughing at you.

Being rude, mean, aggressive or awkardly suggestive does not make a happy ego.
it makes a happy douche bag.

The line between douche and cheeky is so thin, man.

& the fact that half the shit you say doesnt even make sense doesnt help the fact that I am thinking in my head the whole time:
"just shut the fuck up."

Plus, the ego's dont even realise that surrounding them are non egomaniacs who stick out like they are fucking Jesus Christ.

However, it is getting easier to see through the fog of bullshit which can also be seen at 5am on the F3 (I believe it is thicker on a sunday morning as it shifts from above the beery where all the egos have gathered for their weekly wank) when you know these things:

1. The egomaniac sometimes can not be seen to the naked eye. You must delve deeper if you can be fucked.

2. The egomaniac does not care about who you are or what you have to say. They may even use the phrase "I know you are, but what am I?"

3. The egomaniac comes in all genders and body types.

4. The egomaniac will try their hardest to say nasty things to you or the people you know in order to appear larger, taller, bigger etc. They may succeed at this for a little while.

5. The egomaniac thinks it is invincible and can reflect your insults and gripes with it at all times. Until you find its achilles heel, which is usually by turning your attention away from the egomaniac. Remember, the ego has no power without a platform.


And most importantly, do not believe a fucking word that the ego says.

LAST NIGHT'S PARTY.

sausage fest 2010.

NEW APPRECIATION.

Arent the best moments in life those in which you discover or re-discover how fucking cool someone is?

I love them!
It puts a spring in my step
and makes me all bright eyed and bushy tailed.

So i went to Club 77 this Sunday night to see the Bag Raiders peform their absolute hearts out.
I spent the entire set in a deep raiders trance in which I didnt stop flailing about for around an hour and a half, then went and had a cigarette and came back to find out there was some massive biff in the middle of the dancefloor!

You have to love long weekends.

But on this particular night of nights which could be stated as one of the best nights I have had all year, I found a new appreciation for a friend I know called Richard.

He was a wingman
He was an avid dancer.
He had to sit next to Leb.
He stood up for me.
He engaged in a long chat in the smokers room, even though he is only partial to a few cigarettes on a loose evening.
And if it wasnt for rick, there would be no awesome foursome.
It would be a great big stinkin third wheel
and I probably would have ended up with those "GABON" guys at HOME then ARQ and then probably at the matinee show of 'wicked'.

And also, he managed to end up at the Strand, beer in hand, with Amy Meredith watching the soccer.

LEGEND.


oh yeah, and rick was involved in the biff haha!

CHIVALRY IS DEAD.

chivalry is dead.
I think we all knew this a long time ago.

Its just sad to finally come to terms with its death and grieve it properly so Ive decided to write an obituary for chivalry (out of respect for its family & friends):

Chivalry was born in the later 1600s when gentlemen were expected to woo their lady fairs.
I regret to announce it's devastating passing over on the 9th of June 2010.
It will be greatly missed by womenkind everywhere
But its enemies will no longer lose any sleep over chivalry's expectations.
It had no children
Divorced and widowed by mankind,
However, its achievements got men into the undies of many girls
and even made them feel a bit special too
It seemed to be working out rather well
Until it's untimely death on this day.
Chivalry- you will be missed.


girls:
just when you think nothing else could possibly be working against you, welcome to the death of chivalry.
Its gone.
And its never coming back.

Some may throw their hands up in glee at this thought, but I am not.
I am disappointed.
And i am TIRED of being disappointed.

No one has to work for anything anymore do they?
It is not a nice feeling being made to feel as though you are something that is fun to kill some time with and not worth being made to feel anything better.
It is a shame.

All i know is that most of the girls I know, actually work to please their man.

Maybe its our fault as girls for giving it up too easily?
Maybe we should make them sweat a little more
work a little harder
because as we all know,
anything worth having never comes easily.

But I mean sure, to be fair, there is a line between being a gentlemanly pussy and a bad ass.
But boys, if you ever find that fucking line you better attach yourself to a harness no matter how much it hurts your nuts and toe the line

why you may ask?

because, believe it or not,

you are meant to be a MAN.

GUILTY....

pleasures.

the sky outside my house. Or the five minutes before it started raining.

a glass of red, but not only a glass of red. red wine in one of those really european heavy big glasses. The dark things always feel the best.

The card I got my mum for mother's day. Especially when my nan asked last night, "whats an m - i - l - f?"

My collection of lipsticks. I swear each shade produces a different feeling. But they are guilty because I think I have too many, and a few in the same shade. Lips are like the eyes though. Boys stare at both when they like you. ha!

The creepy man I picked up outside 55 Cope st Redfern when I was living there. I like him especially because everyone who sees him, hates him and wants him to leave the room. So thats why I put him behind the shades, to creep people out.

SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

RUN

Do you ever feel as though all your problems could be resolved if you just ran away?

It is such a childish and cowardly answer to life which many people use as a fighting mechanism.
It is pitiful.
But i understand it.

Where would you run to?
Is there anywhere that can remain pure, or will problems just surface there as well?

Is it a chance to look inside yourself and realise the problems you create?


But I am not blaming anyone.
It is probably the front I put up that allows people to think they can say things to me and I can take it.
But I cant.
Not anymore.

This isnt meant to be a diary in which I project all my woes upon. But I just wanted to touch on that instinct that I think alot of people do possess.

The urge to run.

If things get too hard
If things dont work out
If you are hurt
If you are angry
If you are bored.

It should not be as stupid as someone using profanity or an insult to crack the extremely hard surface that has been building for the past few months.
But it was.

And now I feel the urge to run.
Get the fuck out of here
Lose any ties I once had and just be free.

It is just so consuming and tedious to have to converse with those who hold no currency in your life today. Some people need to fuck off.

Some people need to run away from me.

BRANDON BOYD

Most boys who read this post wont like it but I dont know if I care.

Ladies...Brandon Boyd.

Now that is enough to induce heart breaking all around the world.

Is it a thing of nature that one man's voice can take a girl through all the bases without even coming into contact with another person?

I mean you could be driving down the F3 with one of your best girl friends listening to 'Monuments & Melodies' and then it becomes really awkward because you are both turned on and shit just got weird.

So thanks Brandon Boyd. For the orgasmic vocals that you seem to produce, oh and also adhering to the bad boy image by being arrested at the airport for accidentally having a pocket knife in guess what, his pocket.

He is a man of sensibilities.

Listening to 'Echo' the other day was another weird moment because it was ten o'clock at night, I was driving around because I was bored, and sly gasped when he sings the bit:

"i see your mouth in slow motion when you sing."

Then sort of checked myself and got a bit freaked out.

If you think this post is a fucking joke and completely pointless you are right.
But it is sex gods with vocal chords like the devil on acid because as we all know, nothing good is actually good, then youll have to excuse myself and Jess Moss, as we have many-a weird moment whilst listening to the likes of Incubus

oh, and Caleb Followill.

But Im pretty sure if i began to write about him my screen would explode.

LIKE A VIRGIN

touched for the very first time!

I still cant believe people in America and the like still put such a massive statement on being a virgin.

How it all started with Britney Spears and her virginity until Justin Timberlake came along with his Nsync boyish good looks and golden curls much like a storybook character and stole that image away from the world.

It seems so weird to me to still put such an emphasis on being a virgin in this century.

Like the dicky as all shit Jonas Brothers and their chastity rings. Does anyone find it sort of incestual and homo-erotic that all three brothers wear rings to signify their purity?

And the word purity associated with the word virgin.

does it really mean you arent pure if you are not a virgin?

A boy in my class the other day said

"yeah, like if a girl tells you shes not a virgin, then you obviously assume she's a slut."

I lost my shit haha. I wanted to say something, but then again didnt want to look like some mad slut in front of the whole class and the one babe who is in it.

But then again, why didnt i stand up for myself and my slutty counterparts?

I am puzzled at the meaning of the word slut anyway! See madonna above? she sang about being "like" a virgin, but look at her she reflects an image stating that she is clearly not one.

I remember back in the day when losing your virginity was seen as one of the biggest rites of passage of being a teenage girl. However, maybe due to the fact that we were boning 16 year olds, the statement that usually followed was:

"is that it?"

Yes it is.

There shouldnt be such a massive reaction to your virginity whether or not it is still in tact. And who is to say who took it anyway?

It could be the boy across the oval

or it could even be a fence that you accidentally fell on when you were eight?!

Anyway, i was appalled at this submission by this lad in my class when he said those words out loud. I didnt think anyone seriously still thought like that at 21 years of age.

What is a slut?

My own personal definition of slut is a girl or boy who fucks with a relationship they have no part of.

Other than that, I dont really care if you are smoking cock every night for an entire decade, as long as its not someone's girl/boyfriend.

I actually look up to the people (mainly the girls as I am one and know many) who put themselves out there to fulfill their own sexual desires and needs without a care in the world if someone yells out "SLUT!" in their direction.

why does that person care? It is funny the things people do care about and ridicule you about when once they do, it is so clearly a stab at trying to get their own self esteem back to zero from whatever minus it was before that it is almost embarrasing to hear the words come out of their mouth.

I cant count how many times random people have come up to me and said stupid shit in my ear about what im wearing or how my hair is, and as they pull away the only look I can muster up is one of pity.

So i say, lets celebrate the sluts. Who knows what kind of uptight and sexually frustrated world we would have without them.

But all the cougars can go fuck themselves.