5 STAGES OF SEX DREAMS.

1. DENIAL

That didn't happen did it? Oh my god does this mean I actually DO want to have sex with Tony Abbott? FUCK, Am I a lesbian now because I dreamt about going down on Kerri Anne Kennerly while she was wearing a sequin red g string? No...NO! Its not true! This dream didn't happen and I cant even really remember it, you know what they say- if you cant remember it- it didn't happen, right?

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No darling, it did happen. You did dream about the guy who worked at Maccas drive thru taking you by the hand and showing you how to put it down. Accept this fact and you may move on to the following step.


2. ANGER

I am such an idiot! Why do I even have these subconcious thoughts skating around my head making me think about what it would be like to get it on with someone I had never even thought of before! You are a fucking whore, brain and I hate everything that you have to offer at the moment. We aren't on speaking terms at the moment, you can go fuck yourself- oh wait you already did. Fucking slut of a brain!

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3. BARGAINING

Look brain, I will make sure to read a book once a month and do a few crosswords if you just forget that even happened. I wont do MDMA this weekend and punish you and I promise I will get up extra early to go to uni and eat heaps of tuna. If you just keep your fucking mouth shut and don't let anyone know that I dreamt about hotdogging the cast of Packed to the Rafters. Please brain, let me be and don't remind me I motorboated Lisa Curry Kenny while I was dozing.


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4. DEPRESSION

Oh man, this is so depressing, I haven't had real sex in so long that I am now dreaming about getting knuckle deep with Mal Meninga. Brain- You can't even come up with some sort of dreamboat for me to fornicate with. Of course, I couldn't even get Mal Meninga- I don't know enough about footy. Damn it.


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5. ACCEPTANCE

Hey, you know what? At least I got some action last night! OOOH YYEAAHHH killin it! I made Brian McFadden my bitch! & Who cares if I had a dream about Magda Subanski, turns out she would be into it anyway. Its cool, No one else knows about what I dreamt about so who cares?





OH FUCK.