It seems that on the little old Central Coast we have a breed of women loitering about the streets with the sole intention of creating a ruckus.
This type of woman is known as a PLUT.
Why you ask? Because she frequents Terrigal Pub & if you are really clever you will replace the S of the Slut with P of the Pub. WORD TRICKS!
Here are some survival tips when you are out in the wild:
1. While sitting at the base of the stairs you can see up the PLUT's skirt and get a clear gynaecological view of their ovaries. This is a mating ritual of the PLUT. But be careful not to scare it away, offer a blue coloured refreshment and don't make eye contact.
2. If you suspect they are around 17 years old, but have the tits of a 38 year old waitress from Gosford, they are a PLUT.
3. If they motion with their hand indicating an illusion of fellatio, they are a PLUT. & you are IN, SON!
4. If you are standing in the women's bathrooms and there are a flock of PLUTS in your midst, you will be sure to hear something like this,
"BABE- WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL NIGHT? OH MY GOD YOU LOOK SO HOT. NOW WHERE IS MY FUCKING MASCARA? to you: OI BABE DO YOU HAVE ANY MASCARA I CAN BORROWWWW? I THINK I DROPPED MINE IN THE TOILET. HE HE HE!"
Walk away slowly and if you want to be extra daring, employ a sort of Crocodile Dundee method of forming your hand into a lazy shakka and waving it in front of their face. If you have a ring on or any form of glitter, throw it into the air and let the pack devour it.
5. If you see one throwing a drink over another's head, back away. This is not the time to be a hero. You will only end up with some sort of Wittner strap around your neck. Notify your local security and let the professionals (!) take care of it.
6. If once exiting the pub, you notice flying chunks of hot dog meat, then you have disturbed the PLUT's feeding schedule. Shame on you. Run to the lake and jump in before the PLUT has time to catch you. Some say these PLUTs are fast like Cheetahs once their heels are off.
7. Never introduce yourself and call a suspect a PLUT. This will confuse them and possibly get their gorilla boyfriend to knock you out. No one wants to see you get your ass handed to you in front of some paddle boats. Those two elements just don't go hand in hand.
8. If you do fall for the mating rituals of the PLUT (screaming, squealing, binge drinking, minimal clothing, erotic facial expressions and an incredible mating dance involving ass cheeks just skimming the kahlua spilt on the DF) then for fucks sake please keep yourself protected. Wear a helmet, ski mask and knee pads when in the boudoir.
So now you should be well equipped for your rockin Friday night at Terrigal Pub.
Good luck while on Safari and make sure to get all your injections.