Friday, March 16, 2012


I think that I can speak for a few girls when I say that I have been mislead by the hipster mask.

What is a hipster mask you may ask?

Its the uniform that has become really popular amongst the male species consisting of long locks, a black hat, pastel chinos and a button up.

Unfortunately, this becoming the male ideal has skewed the view of who is legitimately a babe and who is basking in the hipster mask.

I know on many occassion that a friend of mine or I have been checking out some dude with hair that somehow becomes entangled with his pubes because its so long and thinking "oh yeah sweet that is a totes babe and that" only for him to turn around and ...

Now, no disrespect to your lads just employing the look to get pussy (which I know a lot of you do- don't deny it...its worked hasnt it?) but for fucks sake its not fair to those chicks just wanting a somewhat smelly babe on top of them for 45 minutes!

Its become a hipster epidemic that any Tom, Dick or Harry can chuck on a velvet fedora and Bobs your uncle.

I often wonder if I could get a Hipster focus group together and actually graph the pussy snatching results in a defined period of time. Like how much puss they got when they had a Marty Simpson (circa 2004) pineapple cut versus Marty Simpson (circa 2012) with an old man river beard.

Many women find themselves hypnotised as the hips of a hipster sway back and forth like a paisley encrusted mermaid drawing the woman in with his apathetic attitude and extensive knowledge of underground music.

They become entangled in the web of the Indie dude as he talks for hours on end about his latest tattoo that somehow relates to Star Wars because being a nerd is cool again, finally! You all have Napoleon Dynamite to thank for that.

Ill bet you 20 cents (because thats all I have at the moment) that if you stripped back his septum piercing and GHD curled tresses, if you took off his casually slung cashmere sweater that has a necklace made of horse hair and a dugong's tooth caught in it, you would see him for what he really was. Just a man with a plan.

That plan may be anything from being the coolest motherfucker in any venue, or to be photographed looking like he couldn't give a fuck that he is being photographed, or to be knuckle deep in Lara Bingle.

We all have our life goals.

All I am saying, is that I have become a little bit wiser on the Hipster Mask, I think I can see through it- you aren't fooling me. But hey, you do seem to be fooling 98% of the female population- kudos.

This was just meant to serve as a general warning to the chick population, because unlike Jim Carrey- these dudes don't turn into a tornado when they put on their mask. They just sit on their phones and sip mojitos.

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