Monday, March 26, 2012


I remember once a good friend of mine once said to me, "You know you are compatible with a woman if you can smell 'girl smell' on their doona" as he sniffed my bedding. I had always been intrigued with that statement and considered it a little diamond of an insight into the male mind. So here begins a series of musings from the minds of beloved males from my little old life. This is the first instalment from an anonymous source and it will open your eyes, hurt your cheeks and make you appreciate the intricate delicacies that makes being a man or a woman just so fucking lovely (or bad ass- depending on your gender).

Girls. Women… wow where do I begin. My good friend Jess asked me to write this article over a couple of drinks at a party, I thought it was pretty ridiculous/hilarious but I love her… especially her honesty and integrity which totally translates into her blog so here we go … I should also note the crazy part is I somehow I managed to convince said blogger that I’m a bit of a “casanova” (her words)– pretty good for a socially inept, non-athletic sci-fi nerd who went through a goth phase in high school.

Let me put it this way… I love chicks. Of all shapes and sizes… Being somewhat of an aesthete I appreciate beauty in all its forms. Beautiful music, beautiful food, beautiful men, beautiful clothes and of course beautiful women! I’m a straight guy – something I realised after a super awkward exchange in primary school one fateful day but I’m sure that sense of realisation is different for everyone and this article is not about sexual orientation.

I don’t consider myself overly superficial… I know what I like but I don’t necessarily have a type. I’ve dated and slept with many different types of girls, Middle Eastern girls, Asian girls, skinny girls, Ruebenesque girls, older girls, younger girls, girls who like to party, girls who don’t like to party, girls who like the same stuff I like and girls who don’t. For me the thing I love most about women is that primal natural raw beauty combined with a killer personality – it doesn’t require the perfect Angelina Jolie facial structure (I find that shit boring.) … It’s those little differences that are so sexy… a crooked tooth here, a little freckle there and an attitude to match.

I love girls who are strong willed and powerful and not afraid to put me in my place. There really is nothing sexier than a confident and intelligent woman. A great sense of humour is a real game changer too. I think that’s such a fundamental part of my life. I love to laugh and a girl who can laugh, be laughed at and laugh at me is just so satisfying!

I really didn’t want to include my mother in this article but she is definitely someone I really look up to in the sense of being a strong, intelligent woman – she broke through the glass ceiling in the 1980s and built a highly successful business from the ground up that to this day funds a lot of my indulgent interests (which I should probably pay for myself). She’s also looks after the family in pretty traditional way – many people would consider this last statement kind of sexist but I don’t mind a few of those values as long as there is absolute equality. There is nothing better than being looked after by your girlfriend when you’re tired, sick or just really pissed off.

Sex… Obviously everyone has different experiences and expectations but I love a girl who knows what she wants and is vocal about it. I’ve had some crazy sexual experiences and I’m fucking glad I’ve had the opportunity to go there. I know some dudes from high school I think still think could be virgins and that just sucks because sex is something to be enjoyed and if you ain’t getting it you definitely ain’t as happy as you should/could be. That’s just my opinion anyway.

One of the best sexual experiences I ever had in my life was with a girl that I had never really thought of in that way. I’d known her for years and one night I had this really intense dream about her and something just clicked in my head… I thought about her heaps for a few weeks and one night we ended up back at her place where I jokingly told her about my vision...coincidentally she had just started feeling the same way and we had amazing, intense and passionate sex… The power of the human mind man!

Girls are super complicated though – there are some really fundamental differences that are physiologically hard wired into us from birth I think. I’m a pretty neurotic, intense dude that would drive most people nuts but fuck me can girls do my head in sometimes. One of my ex girlfriends kicked me in the balls so hard once it was more painful than the time my hand was crushed in my fathers car boot, breaking every finger in my right hand (luckily it still works)… We are actually friends to this day but I remember it being over something really trivial, I hadn’t cheated on her, I didn’t buy stuff with her PayPal account – I think I just pushed her buttons so much she lost it and when girls lose it, I mean really lose it, I think they can be a lot more intense than guys can be. I’ll probably get flak for that statement (Chris Brown – what a fuckwit) but remember this is a personal piece and I’m speaking from my experience.

Overall I think the main thing I appreciate are those subtle and not so subtle differences that make women well, women. I love being a dude and one of life’s absolute and free pleasures is the ability to admire, know and be intimate with others. It rules.

The End.

- M.F. Luder

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