SOCIAL NETIQUETTE.

Have you ever seen someone in the "real world" and notice that you are friends with them on Facebook/Twitter/RSVP (maybe?) but completely avoid any form of human interaction?

Maybe its out of embarrassment (because you added them at 3am in the morning absolutely pissed, but you had always thought they were a babe/cool/bitch).

Maybe its because you can not be bothered (because you know that you arent actually "friends" with the person, but just interested in their photos or stupid thoughts that turn into status')

Maybe it is because you really do not know them (but they added you, and you accepted because how many times do you actually get a friend request right? and you got excited- but seeing them in the real world without the Paint photo editing really puts them in a new perspective- especially if the sighting is a 2am boot outside of sirens).

If you said yes to any of the above, you are suffering from a lack of social netiquette.

It is contagious, but do not worry, there is a cure.

I think it is a well known fact that sometimes you become friends with people on Facebook etc to check out their shit. Not because you actually want to talk to them outside the realm of your keyboard.

That is the pure and simple reasoning behind most virtual "friendships".

I know I have "friends" on Facebook that I dont even talk to online, let alone in real life.

And it really made me evaluate the rules of social networking etiquette.

These are the rules as I see them:

1. If you need to contact someone when you have ran out of credit/battery, FB is the place to go. Effective and easy, and doesnt cost you a dime (but might allude someone you are trying to avoid to your whereabouts- which is risky)

2. If you have added someone recently on Facebook and you live in the same area as them, then wave or say hello at the least. A simple acknowledgement will make you seem less like a crazy stalker, and more like an innocent web dweller who is open to a casual hello between "friends"

3. If you have known someone for years (outside of the social network) and have decided to publicly ignore them in real life, but talk to them on Facebook (which is a complete contradiction to your cause) then please notify the ignoree, as talking to people online is not considered 'real' and makes you come off like one of those World Of Warcraft cunts.

4. Dont poke people. I know, i know it is a rare occassion in real life that you are allowed to 'poke' Julia Gillard or whoever you have on your friends list, but it is actually just as annoying. Especially if you dont know the person (ellen giebels excepted, id poke you all night long).

5. I dont care where you are. I know the new fangled 'places' app is epic, and it can be heaps funny in the right hands but I dont care if you are at 'Wyoming Hungry Jacks'. It only matters to me if you are located at 'The Lodge' because then you are ruling at life.

These are the rules I would like to send out into the cyberworld that I have set for myself. And for my brand of social netiquette.

The cure for a lack of social netiquette is to pretty much splash some cold water over your face, go to the doctor for that pesky carpel tunnel you have and get the other hand off your dick. Because if you have broken any of the rules, you must have a porn collection on your Mac that could rival Bill Clinton's stash.

Just saying.

Ive heard a few complaints from my surroundings of a frustration with those who talk to you on FB but do not acknowledge you in the real world.

But to be honest, if you are going to make a smart ass comment on a status of mine, but then pretend as if i am the bermuda triangle when you are in my direct eyeline, you will just make me ROFL or LMAO or kill myself for actually typing those acronyms.

DEJA PARA CONSEGUIR ALTO.

This is the legal amount of drug possession allowed in Mexico.

Decriminalisation was passed in 2009, allowing you around 4 joints of marjiuana, half a gram of cocaine and a ten pack of ecstasy.

SKITZY!

IF THIS IS A ROM COM, KILL THE DIRECTOR.

Its the age old recipe for the romantic comedy in the spotlight.

I watched 'Morning Glory' yesterday with Moss at the movies, and besides the hilarious double entendre of the title, it was a sap filled mind fuck that followed the timeless and always predictable storyline of a romantic comedy.

Ill lay it out for you:

Main Character: A woman who has just recieved a job in the big city (almost ALWAYS NYC). She is career driven and busy, doesnt take time to smell the roses and is usually quite cynical about men.

Romantic Lead: A buff dude who takes an interest in the main because of her closed off attitude and usually rude demeanour. He finds it a challenge and endearing (for some reason).

Problem: The main must decide whether or not to choose work/a stuffy family/her own personal plotting over the romantic lead. This is usually backed up with a series of montage's to Lily Allen songs.

Point of the R.L.: To challenge the main's goals and values with his penis. Oh and also to make all the Bridget Jones' in the audience swoon and crave the same penile justice. Oh and to make a speech at around the 1 hour 25 minute mark.

Point of the M.C.: To reiterate that you dont need ambition or goals to succeed as a woman, all you need is a man. Or all you need is to let go of everything you have worked for in the big city and take some time off to realise that the love of your life is standing in front of you in a rain stained white t shirt and bootcut ripped jeans. Just being a man who is asking a woman to love him.

Point of the movie: To disappoint women, and to set ridiculous standards for men.

While I understand that these movies are not to be taken seriously. I must point out the effects it has on the general population who witness them!

Or better yet, the people I know who witness them

I know that I have heard multiple times from girls I know say (while the movie is running amongst grunts and 'shhhh!'s from the other patrons)

"THIS IS NOT REAL! THIS WOULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN! NO GUY WOULD EVER DO THAT FOR ME!"

Which I suppose is a pretty accurate statement.

I mean if they ever made a romantic comedy about a guy who fucked you and then never called you again, it wouldnt be that romantic would it?

It would be highly entertaining though, and maybe be a tad more comforting to the general female population.

At least then we would know that we arent alone!

I would LOVE to see a rom com about a girl in the big city (perth or something) making it in the world of AAMI who get romanced by a young stud in the building across the street, then when she finally does give it up to some form of Death Cab for Cutie song, he bails and doesnt return any of her calls.

To which she actually has to deal with the reality of what happens in everyday life.

I for one, understand the rom com, but I can not say I completely appreciate them.

And I bet I know why guys hate to go see 'CHICK FLICKS'. Because more often than not, by the time the couple have exited their local Hoyts there would be some form of argument about why they do not do anything like Matthew Mcconaughey.

Thats because your man is not Matthew 'fucked in the head' Mcconaughey.

He probably does not have a texan accent and rippling abs.

He probably doesnt play the bongos naked in his spare time (although kudos if he does!)

He is real and only human, and should not be upheld to some screenwriter's wet dream.

That being said,

I did cry for a full hour and 45 minutes last night while watching 'The Notebook'.

I guess you can talk the talk, but in the end....we are all such girls.

BEAUTIFUL ONE DAY, FLOODED THE NEXT.

Just wanted to see if anyone who read this blog would lend some coin to the Queenslanders.

They are known for their theme parks

XXXX beers.

laid back attitudes, and

for hosting our ragamuffin teenagers at the end of their high school careers.

I dont know about you,

But I love them,

& I love my QLD friends

& I hate seeing what is happening right now:

http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

So if you feel as helpless as me....(or even if you dont)

PLEASE DONATE.

MAN CRUSH.

LOOK, RINSE & REPEAT.

T.I.

is a dilf.

and a bad ass.

CALEB FOLLOWILL.

Voice.

FUCKING BABE.

THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE.

Dont ask me why.

ELI ROTH.

He has a fucked up mind.

JOHNNY DEPP.

A classic.

BRANDON BOYD.

GIRL CRUSH.

These are some girls that if I were a man I would make sweet love to, because they are either:

1. Babein

2. Cool.

3. Intelligent.

4. Confident.

Or all 4.

PEACHES.

killer cool.

Does not give a fuck.

Dated Eli Roth. (bitch....)

PAMELA DES BARRES.

Groupie from the 1960s.

Icon.

LILY ALDRIDGE.

At the same time I want to kill her

for being engaged to Caleb Followill.

GEORGIA-MAY JAGGER.

Gap.

DAISY LOWE.

Queen of girls.

Babe.

BAMBI.

Seen her off her tiny frame at Splendour.

Making out with Dan Single.

ALEXIS KRAUSS.

Sleigh Bells.

Bad Ass.

PASSION PIT.

This is going to be really hard for me to describe.

Because im not even quite sure of what I mean when Im thinking about it.

But have you ever had a yearning for passion?

Whether it be in the form of a delicious summer fruit, or in between the sheets?

Now that is from two opposite sides of the spectrum. I dont necessarily mean those two elements when I am talking about passion.

Its that excitement that cant be described but just felt. I guess i could equate it to butterflies in the stomach, but I dont want to be so cliche.

Its when you realise someone has a crush on you, and you might have a little crush on them as well.

Its that little feeling that tickles you when you notice yourself flirting with someone, who is also flirting back with you.

Now I want to be clear, I am not referring to anything that is happening right now at this point in time.

But I would be, as would everyone else, if they refused to recognise the feeling I am trying to explain.

Excitement is how I could describe this.

The feeling of being wanted, and wanting just as much.

Sentences filled with lust and alluring words that send an electric volt straight to your brain (or penis, depending on what sex you are.)

The passion of someone taking an interest in you,

even if it is just for a night

(here we go Im beginning to sound like an unintentional scrut again)

No, I mean that thrill of being taken (and not as in the movie- I would not enjoy that experience).

And not necessarily in the relationship way, or in a sexual way.

But more of having your desires satiated by the one you have been coveting.

That makes more sense.

Anyway I think ive done enough explaining of what I mean and should move on to how no matter how these little rendezvous' end, they will always hold a thrilling slide in the projector of your mind, to reflect upon when you feel nothing.

And will hopefully have taught you things you never would have learnt without experiencing these passionate moments.

I just wanted to point out that it is an underrated point of life.

I hold passion and emotion highly.

I think that is pretty clear.

I guess I romanticise quite a bit.

But we do focus on success, travel, occupying our time with events, money etc.

And I just wanted to perhaps let you slow down, take a moment to remember a time that coincides with the explanation above and feel a little bit happy.

And if you still dont get it,

Then you need to get out more.

RUGGED.

Theres just something about a rugged man.

You know the kind that will lift you over their shoulder and take you back to their lair which smells like rich mahogany.

It may go back to the ancient ancient times of the caveman mentality.

Something so animalistic about a MAN man.

You dont know what I mean?

I mean the kind of man who will punch out another if he spoke ill of you.

(and not in the outside of a nightclub way with your 'man' in a reeeeally tight v neck with vodka cranberry stains all over it.)

The kind of man who wont ask to kiss you but will just do it.

I dont want to generalise but I do believe that every girl has a little penchant for these types of lads.

The kind that have no idea of different shades of colours.

The kind that would probably eat a cigarette(ha!)

Men who look effortless in their appearance.

A young Clint Eastwood has inspired this post.

For as long as the public has known him, he has maintained that rugged, manly demeanour that makes dudes want to be him and girls want to blow him.

It is an age old recipe.

The rugged man who not only knows how to ride a horse bareback, but also how to bare his soul in a way that inspires admiration, not pity.

Women will swoon at the rugged man.

Now dont get me wrong, i appreciate a man I can muse with about literature, fashion, music, politics etc etc.

But I just wanted to acknowledge the pure magic of a manly man, one who knows they can have any woman he wants- but chooses wisely.

It is one thing that some may not understand, but I think I can speak for most girls when I say that at some point we have all lusted over this type of male.

Its just another little insight into the female brain.

Oh p.s.

I recently concluded that I can almost certainly attribute that ALL females are about 3-25% bat shit crazy.

It just varies.

HEAVY FINES, LOSS OF LICENSE.

This is the best thing i have seen all day, courtesy of Patrice Stevenson.

He is also a pretty nifty photographer for HoboGestapo.

www.hobogestapo.com

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LOVELY YOU ARE.

Im still astounded everytime it happens as to how music can trigger such a strong reaction depending on what mood you may be in, or maybe a mood you didnt even know you could conjure up in that moment.

Last night i cried for what seemed like an eternity just from a simple song. Previous to hearing the song I was in high albeit tired spirits and didnt not feel emotional in the slightest.

However by the time the third line rolled around (see title) I was in a whitewash of tears.

I still dont know why I was even crying.

Ive been such a cry baby lately. The other morning there was no special K left in the pantry and I couldnt help but shed a tear for the Special K's that had fallen from the previous mornings. Lest We Forget.

Its absurd and I dont condone it at all. I cant explain it, and I wouldnt even want to try.

I think you go through so many phases in your life that it is difficult to make sense of them, let alone analyse every single one that sweeps through your mind.

But back to the music.

Some tunes may remind you of being strung out in a world of your own formed munt on the floor of 77 William Street. It may even make you feel exactly as you did on the grimy DF at 3 in the morning.

Others may remind you of when you were sitting in your car alone, waiting for a big change in your life in which you knew everything would be turned around or upside down. (maybe thats just me who does most of their thinking perched at some lookout in my astra. By the way I have Manly Sea Eagles themed numberplates which i cop shit for every single time i park somewhere. Some dude at wamberal beach today said "manly ehhh?" and i went "yeah theyre my mums." and he then proceeded with "yeah i thought you looked too young to be a bogan." cheers mate.)

Other songs may take you back to a time so dark you could not see the light.

I always feel a sense of accomplishment when ive been lying with my heart in pieces in my hands, not even looking at the title of a certain song that will remind me of the one who sledge hammered my beater in the first place- to then find yourself not even noticing when it comes on and realising you have in fact moved on and nothing could seem sweeter.

Or when you miss the one you love (like i do right now) and they tell you that a song reminds them of you, then you listen to said song and find yourself overwhelmed with yearning and heartache (all VERY dramatic) and after the last bars have come to a halt, you look at yourself in the mirror and say

"fuck love, settle down he will be back in a few weeks you absolute dickhead! Go knit or something, you have too much time on your hands!"

But the songs I love most are the ones that take you back to an event or a place in which you felt the happiest and you glow when these songs start coming out of your chosen technology. It inspires reminiscing and laughing about the stupid things you said and did at that time.

The mistakes you made, mixed with the choices you knew were right all in one little verse.

It just makes me think about the human brain and the way it sometimes controls you.

I think i like it.

CARING IS NOT SHARING.

In the final days or weeks of 2010 i noticed a trend forming amongst the people i know, and the people i try not to know.

That is the trend of giving a shit about things that are:

a) none of their business

or

b) completely irrelevant.

Is it boredom or insecurity that sparks caring about shit that is not appropriate?

I might make a bit more sense if i explain a situation that happened to me at a family do for xmas.

A woman who shall remain nameless and is not blood related took it upon herself to point out in front of everyone how "ridiculous" and "silly" my make up was.

This serve went on for about 5 minutes in front of my entire extended family.

I didnt take it to heart as in I suddenly felt self concious about how i looked in front of everyone, but I was made to feel somewhat unwelcome in their home.

I left wondering why this woman gave a fuck? I mean, enough of a fuck to take time out of their night to call me over and tell me exactly what she thought about my face.

And this isnt the first time this has happened. When new people meet me they often ask me WHY i dress/look the way i do, and to be honest I tell them exactly why everytime.

BECAUSE I LIKE IT THIS WAY.

Shouldnt individuality be celebrated and not questioned? Shouldnt compliance and conforming be questioned?

It rarely is. It is celebrated to comply and toe the line as people dictate.

I find myself constantly wondering why people care enough to make a statement toward you or someone you may know that is purposely detrimental to them.

If you want my opinion, yes MY opinion (not anyone elses), then i believe that it comes from a place of judgemental pathetic self esteem issues that are so deep seated that no reaction that you can give to the person who gives a shit will satiate their thirst for self assurance.

So if someone gives enough of a fuck to put you down about who you are, what you do, what you look like, who you love, what colour your skin is, what you wear, the things you do or anything relating to you as a person, it is not you it is their empty shell of a body that is burning with what one may see as observant, but what is really a poor sense of character.

I guess you can learn not to wear your heart on your sleeve if you do choose to do whatever the fuck you like.

WHICH IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO.

new years resolution: if you think im listening to something negative, I am not. I am listening to a Doors song in my head and pretending to be interested in what you give enough of a fuck about to say.