Tuesday, November 2, 2010


for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Remember that?

I have come to realise that this is true, the consequence is one of the most reliable elements that come with human behaviour.

Whether or not you realise or want to acknowledge it, the shit you do affects others.

I sometimes dread making decisions purely for the fact that I know that something will usually come out of it, good or bad you wont know until the proof is in the pudding (i have been watching ALOT of come dine with me episodes lately).
I wish you could just act and say the things you want with no consequences, but its just not the way it is.
That is why I find myself bottling up anger, mistrust or disappointment because I am scared to confront the situation, due to the reaction of an outpouring of what is really wrong.
I dont like to be abandoned, or ignored, or forgotten by people who I thought were close to me.
It produces a reaction that is unsavoury within me, and i feel that one day i might pop like a balloon or an old condom.
I wish i were brave in that aspect and didnt want to run away from conflict and hurting the nearest and dearest.
But sometimes its just not worth saying how you are feeling, especially when you know it will not change anything.
Its just the thought of putting it away somewhere, who knows where and ignoring the niggling feeling that you were made to feel like shit.
You cant rely on everyone to do everything right all the time, which is another reason why it is sometimes not worth bringing shit up, purely for the fact that everyone is human and makes mistakes.
It is only when these people realise their mistakes is when it is worth it, but that is a rare quality to come by.
No one wants to be a nag, or look desperate or like a whinger, but then again no one wants to be a doormat either.
It is a constant push- pull, a war of the ages within our minds struggling to come to terms with the fact that maybe your opinions or feelings dont really matter.
As much as I dont want to accept existentialism as a real concept to my life, I think it is time to realise that I am alone (figuratively speaking).
And I should react accordingly.

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