Sunday, July 18, 2010


Yesterday I sat on a balcony in North Avoca and talked for a solid seven hours.
The sun came up, I dont think we noticed.
And im not really sure what we were talking about, but I know it triggered some deep thought that happened this morning from 2am-7am when I was sitting up in bed with some sort of insomnia.

I am so sick of negativity.
And I realise that is a negative statement in itself.
But at least for today, that will be the last one I make.

I think my friends and I have a real problem with negativity, self deprecation and narcassism.
Whether or not its a point of just getting the fuck over ourselves, or if its a genuine thought.

But as I was thinking about the past and the present.
Going through the things I have learned which probably isnt that much seeing as Im only 21.
The people who have come into my life and just as quickly left, the lost people, the memories which arent quite remembered.

And I realised that I cant be wasting my time with thinking life is shit, the central coast is shit, you are shit, I am shit.

It has to be the worst way to waste time, and the best way to come to a stand still in your life.

Its just that complaining always seems to be the easiest thing to come out of our overly exposed, yet extremely de-sensitized mouths.

To be honest, Im running out of decent things to complain about, and I couldnt be happier. Although sure, sometimes I do have that thought of "what is the next thing to fuck up?" because I have had a pretty good run these past few years, but thats over now.

So I think maybe looking straight into the sun isnt such a bad idea (Do not try this at home), instead of wearing the shades that shield you not only from the fucking delicious Vitamin D (oh and UV), but also from the things that are amazing and beautiful in your life.

I was talking to a certain person the other night, and I was complaining (shocker) that nothing spectacular is happening in my life right now, comparing my own life to the people that surround me, it just seemed...

boring, like a plateau, or the dial tone when you pick up your telephone. Nothing special, yet nothing devastating at the same time.

This person quickly explained to me how precious those moments in life are. They told me that in these points in your life, it is usually a time for growth (not the kind that will allow me to try out for Australias Next Top Model, I swear to god those contestants get a lifetime free pass to The Ivy, everytime I have gone there I have been overcome with C list giddiness)

but the kind to actually define a new era in your life, and perhaps be able to see what you as a person can actually accomplish without any other influences.

To go from contemplating how boring my life is on a Tuesday night, to making our own fun on a balcony,
which involved one man in a complete white, fluro yellow and blue tracksuit, another man in Bic lighter orange trackies, his own beanie and a black jumper, and me in a pink onesie that is designed for Kath Day Knight if she ever went to the snow,
come Sunday Morning seemed like the kind of transition that can only make me never regret the way I am feeling today physically.

(pretty much like a donkey who is wearing gold plated grillz bit me in the back and the eyes.)

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