Sunday, July 4, 2010


I think schoolies is the best thing to happen to school leavers since Winfield light blues and raspberry cruisers.

I was up in ye olde land of Queens, particularly the Paradise of Surfers last year in schoolies week. (NOT TO BE A TOOLIE, LET ME BE CLEAR, IT WAS FOR ELLEN'S BIRTHDAY, IT WAS JUST COINCEDENCE SHE CANT HELP BEING BORN IN THE MOST EYE OPENING WEEK OF THE YEAR)

Personally, when my schoolies week came around, my friends and I embarked on a ten day long cruise to those french islands which are both confusing and wonderful all at the same time. So i did not indulge in the decadent coast known as Surfers.

I did see it in all of its glory last year however.


And not a whoa to the generous amounts of underage and just legal girls and boys running around like they just discovered hedonism, died and came back to life as ravenous board short clad zombies hell bent on hooking up with the drunkest chicks at the beach party, but getting back to the hotel in time for curfew.

Not whoa to the girls with half their life and face down their bodies, carrying their kitten heels in hand and a ciggie in the other, but still managing to have half a kebab hanging out of their mouth and managing to chew it successfully with only a tiny bit of hommus spilling onto their satin mini dress. Side note: this was as we were just venturing out into the night, like 20+ she devils, who have just discovered the benefits of rocking up in the morning rather than 7:30pm to get the free shots.

Not whoa to the amount of times I heard "SCHOOLIES '09!!!!!!" screamed from respective balconies at fifteen minute intervals.

Not to the amount of times we were asked, "are youse toolies or schoolies?"
to which we replied, "neither."

Not to the amount of fisticuffs that were exchanged on Cavill Avenue, including but not limited to, seeing boys actually fly through the air.

Not to the girl who was walking around with bunny ears on. I mean I get it, they were probably doing a commemorative "Lest us forget: Big Brother 2001- Sarah Marie Lives" at Dreamworld earlier that day and you won because you got your tits out for Kyle Sandilands which allowed him to finally achieve a boner that lifted his muffin top into a W shape.

No. Not to them.

But WHOA to the amount of camera crews that frequented the area dying for a shot of a boy who is probably 17 and in need of parental consent to be filmed vomiting on the side walk.

I am guilty of being a reckless little tike when I was up there, sitting outside Elsewhere with a cigarette in hand, watching the Channel Seven film crews descend upon these poor fucking kids just trying to get in a tiny bit of trouble, and have a few hundred shots of goon in a hundred minutes, and decided to yell out:

"Hey! You fucking vultures! Come over here and film us! Come On?!! we are sitting here having a good night, but thats not newsworthy is it, you fucking leeches?!?!?!"

I was pretty loose in my defence. I would have gone about it much more gracefully if I had a green tea and a scotch finger Im sure.

But it did get me thinking about the manipulative nature that the police and the media have over the future of our country. We have one week in which we can go out, everyone with the same situation and make complete dicks of ourselves.

Schoolies week has been encouraged for years, its a solid tradition and a rite of passage no one should go without.
But its as if the older generations are sending us off with a fake smile and a "have fun!!"
But monitoring our every move via the five o'clock news, embarrassing people for the pure fuck of it.

It is a double standard which, although it is highly entertaining, can cause some damage.

I guess I just believe in the right to be a fucking critter of the night, at least for one week, in which drinking, assaults, pashing, sexing and screaming redundant catchphrases off balconies, should be the memories of the person who engages in the acts, not the viewers at home with their dinner tucked under their chin and a concerned look on their face.


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