Monday, January 7, 2013


1. Now I've got you in my space, I wont let go of you!

2. After reading a rather disturbing excerpt from Bret Easton Ellis' infamous novel, 'American Psycho', I think i finally understood his commentary on how intense and dedicated consumerism has the ability to distort reality. Sometimes I see some things on your various social networking outlets and wonder if some people have completely succumbed to the pull of being "cool". Whatever the fuck that means. If it makes you feel good, then do it, run with it and don't look back. But if it begins to distort your view on reality and turns you into an idiot (socially, financially or in your work life etc) then it might be time to think about who you really are without all the material possessions that surround you like a giant K Mart koombaya circle.
 In this new year of 2013, I am going to try and quit trying to be "cool" and just be whoever the fuck I am. No judgement to anyone who wants to try and keep up with the Jones', but I for one, am just completely fucking exhausted. 

3. Sweating from the forehead is never a good look.

4. There is something both beautiful and terrifying about watching the sun rise.

5. Louis Theroux is an amazing journalist.  You should begin watching his documentaries, starting with Twilight of the Porn Star (look out for a porn star named Xander Corvus).

6. I often wonder if teenagers are still embarrassed to talk about masturbation, or if it isn't that taboo of a subject anymore? As a female, I know when I was growing up- it was thought of as 'dirty' to masturbate, but as I have gotten older, the conversations just keep on opening up much like the filthy porno mags stashed under your brother's bed.

7. I also wonder if there is anyone out there who doesn't know who Karl Pilkington is yet? If so, please google him now.

8. Taking drugs really does make your mind stop working as good, and that.

9. THE HASHTAG. Now I should write a separate blog for the infuriating little pound sign that makes everything turn to shit. I dont know why but it has become a part of everyday conversation and it just shits me to tears. I heard it on Geordie Shore the other day being used in an actual sentence. Yeah, I was watching Geordie Shore- shame on me. But fuck, technology and its fucking ridiculous language is bursting into everyday life in such a way that it feels like a fucking slapper dressed in a rhinestone clad g string bursting out of some shit cake at an 85 year old's birthday party.
I don't want to hear people say "LOL" as if it is an actual word. Fuck LOL. Now I have to muffle my laughter all the time so I dont actually laugh out loud and dignify those three letters in real existence. I am going to give myself an aneurism from all the LOLing I am holding in my nasal cavity.

But the fucking hashtag. I am gritting my teeth right now just thinking about it. I know you hate it too. I know sometimes you do it to be a smart ass, so do i! But just remember that time when Banana Paddle Pops were 90 cents and when the only hash you saw was stashed in your parent's undie drawer or at the very far lower right of your Pop's telephone. Fuck the hashtag, fuck LOL, fuck ROFLcopter and shit like that. Its all fucking stupid and when we all grow up we will be fucking embarrassed.

10. Everyone I know who has a dog seems to be the happiest people of all.

11. Sometimes the best moments are when you are en route to picking up your friends for a night out on the town. Its in these little moments you realise how lucky you are to have people in your life who aren't cunts.

12. Cyclones are the best ice block, hands down.

14. I am beginning to feel like I am too old for this shit.

15. Understanding rap music is a talent that I believe is better than knowing how to do HTML or any of that shit. If you can understand this:


Then you are officially a rap star and you should probably change your name to [INSERT TYPICAL RAP NAMESHIZZLE HERE]

Definition: I ask you a rhetorical question about the idea of opening the trunk of your car and placing large amounts of cocaine in packages inside, under, and around the extra tire stored there and in other inconspicuous places for transportation, because I know you most likely don;t have any knowledge about such a thing- although if you do, maybe we could discuss it.

SOURCE: 'Understand Rap'- William Buckholz.

16. The most relevant question that crosses a Central Coast chick's mind on a typical weekend is, "TO SIRENS OR NOT TO SIRENS?" Hey babe, do whatever you want but don't come crying to me when you have broken your ankle once again while getting low on the ice skating-like floorboards of that establishment.

17. Don't complain about being on the coast, friends with people from the coast or whether or not you are part of the coast scene while you are standing at the Beer Garden. It is a complete contradiction, save that shit for when you are kicking rocks outside The Flinders.

18. 2012 was the year of deep house and techno. I am very grateful for that. Especially for all the deep house lords that seem to be coming together like a murder of anorak clad magpies.

19. Sometimes you can drink too much lavender infused tea and knit one too many beanies before you actually turn into Frankie magazine and I am going to have to cut a picture out of you to slip into my cigarette packet so I dont have to come to grips with Bryan.


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