BOY MENTAL PUSSY POWER.

I dont know what has gotten into the water lately, but me and my friends are boy crazy.

Its becoming an epidemic like swine flu. A Current Affair will surely be doing some shitty story on it soon enough with giant red stamps labelling us all as HUSSIES or DICK CHASERS. But I swear we aren't.

MEN: No matter who you are, there is probably a point in the past few weeks where I have looked at you and thought, "he's a bit of alright."

I need to stop. I need to get ahold of my self and settle down, realise that there are things wrong with the male species and focus on them so as to not spontaneously combust. I just can't help but stand back and admire the male form like some sort of dero old bastard standing in the smokers section of an RSL watching the chicks pass by. I am about a week away from chucking on a fake beard, fluros and those things that cover your ankles that look like elephant feet and whistle out to passers by.

There is always a point when you have been single for a while when you start turning into a sleazy fuck. I have reached that point and I apologise.

One minute you are perfectly fine, the next minute you are throwing some innocent bystander into the wall and making out ferociously. But is it alright if a girl does it to a boy? Probably not, I mean if Schapelle Corby did that shit upon her first few minutes out of the prison cell you would probably be pretty off it.

While discussing this boy mania that has been sweeping the nation, I have come across an interesting theory brought upon by some of my male friends.

PUSSY POWER.

Now, there is some sort of thing about how vaginas are actually Superman in human form, and not only can vaginas fly faster than a speeding bullet, but they can also hold tremendous power over the male sex.

I, personally have never been privy to this fact and was shocked when hearing that no matter what the situation, chicks pretty much have one over dudes 60% of the time.

This is the theory anyway:

If you have a glory box and a boy wants to pick your lock then you therefore have his balls in a vice.

Use this information wisely girls, because no one likes to see a chick string a dude along for ages, it makes him look pathetic and you look like a Westinghouse.
But then again boys, don't let the pussy overpower you. Don't bow down to the pussy just because its all nice and warm and inviting. You can't curl up in there and read a book, this isn't the cafe section of Borders. Remain a man and you will surely find yourself nestled deep within the crevice of your choosing.

Sometimes I get sad about the chick who don't have any pussy power. But I had an interesting conversation with a taxi driver on the weekend which made me realise that there truly is someone out there for everyone.

This was how it went:

TAXI MAN: Oh, you are white girls. I am not into white girls, your nipples are way too small.

ME & RACH: WHAT?

T M: I love a woman with really big nipples, the ones where they take up most of the boob. You white girls don't have that, I like black girls they have huge nipples.

R: Im sorry we are white chicks with small nipples. I thought all dudes liked small nipples.

T M: No, not me. It is my fantasy. My wife has HUGE nipples and I love them.

M: I have huge nipples.

T M: (getting excited) REALLY? But you are a white girl!

M: Na just kidding I have tiny tiny nipples.

T M: oh....


So there you have it, seems everyone has pussy power. Or nipple power. It just depends which cab you get into.