JHN MYR.

Just got referred to the "lothario" John Mayer's tumblr which had some smart ass comments, black and white photographs, reviews, complaints and musings which took up some of my time.

I used to love this man back in the impressionable teenage years, but I spotted one particular post that knocked my socks off and I had to share it with you:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

John Mayer's mind.

MR. JACK LEWIS.

25 things I know about Jack Lewis.

1. Jack Lewis is currently in Tokyo, Japan and has embarked on an overseas trip no doubt filled with decadence, debauchery and doin shit.

2. Jack Lewis coined the name "hog"

3. Jack Lewis has indulged in many musical events with me, but by far the best was Splendour in the Grass 2010.

4. He can grow an inordinate amount of facial hair.

5. He has a knack for Australian slang, but mostly with rhyming actions with people's names. E.G: Brad Pitt- Shit. Pat Malone- Alone. Craig Gower- shower.

6. He is extremely generous, especially when it comes to Wet Pussy.

7. He could be called the glue that holds quite a few people together.

8. He has known me for three years and counting.

9. His top teeth are an elusive and rare sight, much like the lochness monster. However, if you believe in them you will see them.

10. He introduced me to beer and a week before he left got me so fucked up drunk in the middle of the day I actually spewed at his mum's house.

11. He has impeccable style.

12. Always up for a dance. (or a click)

13. Jack Lewis has always been in the audience when I have belted out a tune at Karaoke. I dedicated '100% pure love' by Crystal Waters to him once.

14. When he was still on the coast, you could often see him standing shirtless, beer in hand on the hill at his old joint in Campbell Cres with his arms outstretched.

15. Ive seen him dressed up as a vampire before. And as Batman.

16. I have had countless beers, ciggies and cheers'es with him.

17. He thinks I am a dickhead most of the time, but tells me Im good at it.

18. If he ever refers to you as FML- consider yourself very lucky.

19. No matter how far apart for how long, it is like I have never left when talking to Jack Lewis.

20. one (or two) word(s): TYRESE. or JAMAL.

21. Has a keen eye behind a lens.

22. Has an even keener ear for classic tunes you forgot about, but now hold new meaning and are fresher than the day they came out back in 1980.

23. Always carrying a tote bag.

24. Will be missed by many until he returns 2 years older and probably with a swedish child under his arm.

25. Will be one of my best friends always.

EWWWWAAANNNNNN MCCCGGRREEEEEGGGOOORRRRRR!!!!

PANSIES.

So Kings of Leon have rescheduled their latest tour due to an injury their guitarist gained. and therefore the fans have lost out til early November.

I dont know if this is a rising trend amongst far away places like that land called Australia. Magical in all of its natural disasters and drunken holidays, yet lacking in the reliability of performances.

For instance, I remember finding out the day before (in Byron Bay Woolworths) that Jane's Addiction were no longer to be playing at Splendour in the Grass 2009 due to a leg injury.

Now whatever, you hurt your leg or your knee or maybe you just feel a little bit tired what with all the performances in trendy Tokyo. But if you can not be fucked to come out here on your first class 14 hour flight from LA then just say so.

It is the excuse heard around the world.

The sore body.

The overworked brain.

The sprained wrist from all the axe work.

I dont care.

Think back to your rocker fore fathers who would have broken their own arm trying to participate in a roadie vs rocker brawl in the name of boredom, but wrapped it with some chicks undies that were left on the tour bus from the night before, snorted a line of cocaine and carried on with what their job consists of.

Fucking shit up!

It seems that the bad ass exterior of the rock god has dwindled in the recent years, causing somewhat of a rift between the fans and the band.

I dont want to equate the reliability of these bands with the reliability of there not being some form of screaming schizo on the Central to Gosford countryrail train at every single departure.

What happened to the days of "the music" and not "the money". The rapid and frequent cancelling or rescheduling of concerts that people have waited months to see just paints a picture to me of a fraudulent nature.

It spells out the importance of an already overpaid profession's craving for cold hard cash.

Because surely if they cared about the fans, then a broken nail wouldnt put them off coming out to the people who keep a roof above their head and a philly cheese steak in their bellies.

It is the money, which I think we all know that spurs on art nowadays which I believe has caused it to become corrupted and blurred into a contemporary piece of shit.

Grow some balls like the Keiths and Micks of the past, snort your dad's ashes and chuck on the tightest pair of fuschia pants you have and play some decent music.

If not for your fans, then for fucks sake...your reputation!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

SOCIAL NETIQUETTE.

Have you ever seen someone in the "real world" and notice that you are friends with them on Facebook/Twitter/RSVP (maybe?) but completely avoid any form of human interaction?

Maybe its out of embarrassment (because you added them at 3am in the morning absolutely pissed, but you had always thought they were a babe/cool/bitch).

Maybe its because you can not be bothered (because you know that you arent actually "friends" with the person, but just interested in their photos or stupid thoughts that turn into status')

Maybe it is because you really do not know them (but they added you, and you accepted because how many times do you actually get a friend request right? and you got excited- but seeing them in the real world without the Paint photo editing really puts them in a new perspective- especially if the sighting is a 2am boot outside of sirens).

If you said yes to any of the above, you are suffering from a lack of social netiquette.

It is contagious, but do not worry, there is a cure.

I think it is a well known fact that sometimes you become friends with people on Facebook etc to check out their shit. Not because you actually want to talk to them outside the realm of your keyboard.

That is the pure and simple reasoning behind most virtual "friendships".

I know I have "friends" on Facebook that I dont even talk to online, let alone in real life.

And it really made me evaluate the rules of social networking etiquette.

These are the rules as I see them:

1. If you need to contact someone when you have ran out of credit/battery, FB is the place to go. Effective and easy, and doesnt cost you a dime (but might allude someone you are trying to avoid to your whereabouts- which is risky)

2. If you have added someone recently on Facebook and you live in the same area as them, then wave or say hello at the least. A simple acknowledgement will make you seem less like a crazy stalker, and more like an innocent web dweller who is open to a casual hello between "friends"

3. If you have known someone for years (outside of the social network) and have decided to publicly ignore them in real life, but talk to them on Facebook (which is a complete contradiction to your cause) then please notify the ignoree, as talking to people online is not considered 'real' and makes you come off like one of those World Of Warcraft cunts.

4. Dont poke people. I know, i know it is a rare occassion in real life that you are allowed to 'poke' Julia Gillard or whoever you have on your friends list, but it is actually just as annoying. Especially if you dont know the person (ellen giebels excepted, id poke you all night long).

5. I dont care where you are. I know the new fangled 'places' app is epic, and it can be heaps funny in the right hands but I dont care if you are at 'Wyoming Hungry Jacks'. It only matters to me if you are located at 'The Lodge' because then you are ruling at life.

These are the rules I would like to send out into the cyberworld that I have set for myself. And for my brand of social netiquette.

The cure for a lack of social netiquette is to pretty much splash some cold water over your face, go to the doctor for that pesky carpel tunnel you have and get the other hand off your dick. Because if you have broken any of the rules, you must have a porn collection on your Mac that could rival Bill Clinton's stash.

Just saying.

Ive heard a few complaints from my surroundings of a frustration with those who talk to you on FB but do not acknowledge you in the real world.

But to be honest, if you are going to make a smart ass comment on a status of mine, but then pretend as if i am the bermuda triangle when you are in my direct eyeline, you will just make me ROFL or LMAO or kill myself for actually typing those acronyms.

DEJA PARA CONSEGUIR ALTO.

This is the legal amount of drug possession allowed in Mexico.

Decriminalisation was passed in 2009, allowing you around 4 joints of marjiuana, half a gram of cocaine and a ten pack of ecstasy.

SKITZY!

IF THIS IS A ROM COM, KILL THE DIRECTOR.

Its the age old recipe for the romantic comedy in the spotlight.

I watched 'Morning Glory' yesterday with Moss at the movies, and besides the hilarious double entendre of the title, it was a sap filled mind fuck that followed the timeless and always predictable storyline of a romantic comedy.

Ill lay it out for you:

Main Character: A woman who has just recieved a job in the big city (almost ALWAYS NYC). She is career driven and busy, doesnt take time to smell the roses and is usually quite cynical about men.

Romantic Lead: A buff dude who takes an interest in the main because of her closed off attitude and usually rude demeanour. He finds it a challenge and endearing (for some reason).

Problem: The main must decide whether or not to choose work/a stuffy family/her own personal plotting over the romantic lead. This is usually backed up with a series of montage's to Lily Allen songs.

Point of the R.L.: To challenge the main's goals and values with his penis. Oh and also to make all the Bridget Jones' in the audience swoon and crave the same penile justice. Oh and to make a speech at around the 1 hour 25 minute mark.

Point of the M.C.: To reiterate that you dont need ambition or goals to succeed as a woman, all you need is a man. Or all you need is to let go of everything you have worked for in the big city and take some time off to realise that the love of your life is standing in front of you in a rain stained white t shirt and bootcut ripped jeans. Just being a man who is asking a woman to love him.

Point of the movie: To disappoint women, and to set ridiculous standards for men.

While I understand that these movies are not to be taken seriously. I must point out the effects it has on the general population who witness them!

Or better yet, the people I know who witness them

I know that I have heard multiple times from girls I know say (while the movie is running amongst grunts and 'shhhh!'s from the other patrons)

"THIS IS NOT REAL! THIS WOULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN! NO GUY WOULD EVER DO THAT FOR ME!"

Which I suppose is a pretty accurate statement.

I mean if they ever made a romantic comedy about a guy who fucked you and then never called you again, it wouldnt be that romantic would it?

It would be highly entertaining though, and maybe be a tad more comforting to the general female population.

At least then we would know that we arent alone!

I would LOVE to see a rom com about a girl in the big city (perth or something) making it in the world of AAMI who get romanced by a young stud in the building across the street, then when she finally does give it up to some form of Death Cab for Cutie song, he bails and doesnt return any of her calls.

To which she actually has to deal with the reality of what happens in everyday life.

I for one, understand the rom com, but I can not say I completely appreciate them.

And I bet I know why guys hate to go see 'CHICK FLICKS'. Because more often than not, by the time the couple have exited their local Hoyts there would be some form of argument about why they do not do anything like Matthew Mcconaughey.

Thats because your man is not Matthew 'fucked in the head' Mcconaughey.

He probably does not have a texan accent and rippling abs.

He probably doesnt play the bongos naked in his spare time (although kudos if he does!)

He is real and only human, and should not be upheld to some screenwriter's wet dream.

That being said,

I did cry for a full hour and 45 minutes last night while watching 'The Notebook'.

I guess you can talk the talk, but in the end....we are all such girls.