People love fucking.
I believe it was Einstein who said that, and who's going to argue with that guy? No one...because none of you are mediums and John Edward is a dirty fraud. In fact, so are you. I have spent weeks interviewing a heap of people who I happen to know love having sex and have compiled a handy little list that you can take home with you tonight as you are cry masturbating in the shower as all normal 20 somethings do every Monday evening. Right?
Anyway, here you will find a comprehensive note of all the dirty little things that I have compiled (after many drunken nights asking people forcefully what they would love to have on their Fucket List usually followed by: What? What's that?) that we as humans love to do so much that we risk everything in order to, including and not limited to our precious dignity.
In the words of Marvin Gaye, let's get it on:
1. Sex under the Harbour Bridge at around 2am on a Wednesday morning. (I've thought about it)
2. A session in which you don't speak before, during, or after
3. Sex with food (take that as you will)
4. Do a line of coke off a buttock.
5. To completely dominate someone (I guess 50 shades of grey was a pretty big hit)
6. Attend a Swinger's Club
7. Have sex on the side of the road during a road trip.
8. Fuck on a plane. (There's motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane)
9. Have sex with a woman as a straight woman completely sober.
10. Join a couple as a third.
12. Have sex again with the person who took your virginity years later.
13. Film yourself
14. To be completely dominated (I guess 50 shades of grey was a pretty big hit)
15. In the back of a truck.
16. Sex with an extremely tall man/woman
17. Sex with someone in a fluffy mascot outfit. (HAAAAAA)
18. In front of other people.
19. In the change rooms of a shop.
20. Going down on someone in a car, while driving.
21. Give a man head in less than 5 minutes.
22. Break a shower.
23. Camping wilderness.
24. Foot sex.
25. Boob sex.
26. Butt sex.
27. Sex with a musician (isn't that everyones?)
28. On top of a washing machine
29. In your/their parents bed.
30. In some form of water (I highly recommend not doing this by the way- it can ruin sex for you for quite some time)
31. On a ski lift (obviously a shralper)
32. Take someone's virginity.
33. At a house party.
34. Experience the throw down.
35. Experience an orgasm (sad but true in many cases- c'mon boys)
37. On the beach (heard of a prawn cutlet?)
38. With a complete stranger.
39. Fuck a cougar
40. Someone with a beard going down on you.
41. Fucking a D List celebrity
42. At a festival.
43. While high.
44. With a bartender.
45. With a stripper.
46. With a prostitute.
47. A the rooftop of a building.
48. In front of your old high school.
49. On the stoop of someone's house
50. Hate sex.
So far this is all I have compiled from a smattering of my friends and a little bit of my own tucked away in there. Soz if this is a bit too wild for your Monday night, this is what I like to talk about with my significant acquaintances and now you all known (anonymously) how fucked up their heads are and how much they probably haven't been banged out lately.
Single life is a tumultuous rollercoaster of disappointing liaisons and mind blowing experiences, its all about finding what you can get away with and ticking off your list one point at a time.
So, how did you go?