OLDER & WISER #10

1. You really dont.

2. Girls put on the "slut voice" when flirting with a boy. Its more high pitched and rounds off with the tongue at the end of the words. Tight back of the mouth. It never works for me, but works for a lot of women everywhere. try it.

3. Is putting candles on when you are trying to have sex with a girl creepy or sexy? I dont know if it might be a little like a Ricky Martin video clip then again, we should take anything we can get right ladies?

3. Think about the dudes in Superbad, they were so stoked to see some nipple. You should be too.

4. The Hottest 100 was one of the best in any previous years.

5. Australia Day has become the best day to flash your tits to complete bogan strangers who are doing beer bongs across balconies in Terrigal.

6. Sometimes Sundays are fucking incredible at the Beery and things happen that you never ever would have thought have happened before.

7. No matter how you get treated or who says what to you, girls- you still got it.

8. There is an amazing paddle pool in between Wamberal beach and Spoon Bay and that is where you will find me anytime the sun is out.

9. The word "flutter" is fucking hilarious in any situation.

10. Unless there were blackouts you would never know that your dad almost had a car crash and stepped on a brown snake in the Western Suburbs. Thank you shitty Energy Australia, me and pops are closer than ever.

11. I think the word "sexy" is underrated. It never gets used anymore. The last time I heard it come out of a boys mouth was about a headband. I really appreciate that. Something so little can be sexy to some. From the lowering of an eyebrow to a bead of sweat dripping down a chest in the middle of summer. However, I do believe it comes from within.

12. I like it when boys notice my nails are the same colour as my lipstick.

13. 'Turn Me On' by The Grates has the best back story.

14. I didnt want to go to Girl Talk anyway, so there.

15. I saw Terrigal High girls walk into Hogs Breath today and I must say I have not seen that much pussy since the last time I went to Petsworld.

16. You can't sit back and wait for shit to come to you, you must search if you shall find. & if it does find you, then you are very lucky.

17. Ross definitely had some sort of say in number 30 of the Hottest 1o0.

18. Dudes on skateboards- no I havent forgotten.

19. Don't leave me tongue tied, lets stay up all night.

20. I think we should take more advantage of the fact that it's summer and stay up later, drink outdoors more and run around in our undies on the beach when the sun goes down.

21. I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a few lovely people about dating. Some had never been on a date before and some felt that it was null and void in asking a girl on a date as they have been made to feel like a weirdo in the past. GIRLS- stop ruining it for the rest of us! If a boy asks you out to tea or for an ice cream or whatever you might as well go and give him a shot. Fuck man, its a free feed at the least of it. Plus you might find that he is a stand up lad, I mean in this day and age- its a rarity to be asked out on a date.  Don't settle for a few drinks down at the beery, you deserve more than that and you know it. There are so many pretty girls (I am beginning to sound like a lesbian in this post) on the coast who should be treated that way. Chivalry is in need of a serious revival, think of Chivalry as niche and retro, thats cool right?

22. I really miss favourite chicken and Jack Lewis and Maddison Spence and Paul Blackley and the mouse that runs around the lounge room.

23. There is something great about afternoon beers.

24. If you were an animal you would want to be a lion right? Be courageous!

25. It is ALWAYS better to be different than the rest.

26. Throwing a shakka out on Australia Day or to a group of boys will never ever get old.

27. Bush is so creepy.

28. Heaps of boys are scared of scary movies, but at least you can rely on them to sort out the power box if the electrical appliances dont work.

29. Wearing your bra at the beach is one of the best things ever. It feels like you are breaking all the rules when in reality its pretty much the same. Take that society!

30. I think FaceBook is making everyone kind of hate each other. Lets get off it and go have a picnic? (I realise I will now post the link to this on FaceBook. Shut up.)

OLDER & WISER #9

Seems since being back in Australia for a few days, I have learnt quite a bit. So here we go:

1. If you are not directly involved with a situation, you thereby have no right to comment or take it upon yourself to justify what you deem as right. If someone else's business is THAT important to you, then please address the people involved and give them a chance to tell you to get fucked.

2. Girls get too excited about the sun and then burn themselves and then complain about it for the following days and then the cycle will repeat itself until June.

3. Ignorance is not bliss.

4. The way to get a girl, if in fact you want said girl, is to be a hunter. That is how all those dudes who are getting heaps of ass are working it. They pursue the lady with verocity, subtlety and desire instead of sitting  back and waiting for everything to come to them like a lazy motherfucker.

5. Becca Moody is SO weird.

6. I am no longer going to worry or put up with bullshit from people who I do not care about whatsoever.

7. Watching people from afar can make you re-evaluate if they were ever your friend in the first place.

8. Jet Lag is incredible for watching sunrises, seeing really cute puppies and stepping on blue bottles.

9. Being above the clouds made me realise that it is so nice to be alive.

10. David Bellato is one of the best friends I've ever had.

11. Australian slang needs to be utilised a whole lot more as it is hilarious.

12. Do not get too full of yourself, because the only thing that will be there for you in the end is your mirror and a tub of vaseline.

13. It is not fair to lead someone on, sort your shit out or move on.

14. Patience has never been a virtue of mine.

15. Look out yourself, because no one else will.

16. If I won the $15 million powerball I would pay Dr. Dre to ditch Coachella and play at my house.

OLDER & WISER PART #8: OVERSEAS EDITION.

1. Could graffiti be the new babe thing to do and take over skateboarding? I think this may be the case in London.

2. Apparently boys like making out with girls who have just eaten or are in the process of eating chupa chups or Strepsils. You learn something new every day.

3. Men also like it when a family sized Supreme pizza has hit you square in the face for two reasons: (i) It is hilarious (ii) its the ultimate scent to pick up dudes.

4. Continuation from NO #3: time to start rubbing cheeseburgers on your neck and wrists ladies, its the scent of 2012 and will blow J-Lo's Glow out of the water.

5.  I have missed the WEIRDEST people while being in London. Like chicken wing lady that roams around Terrigal sometimes- fuck she makes my day and i miss her little pink singlet.

6. If you want something badly, its likely you wont get it so if you relax about it, things may be better for you in the long run rather than having it RIGHT NOW!

7. Passion is pivotal.

8. Londoners and Euro's LOVE mayonaise and I dont understand why.

9. Skype fucking sucks. You have to look at yourself talking while you are having a conversation over a shaky internet connection. It also doesnt help when the person you are talking to is taking photos of your frozen face on their Iphone and showing it to you while laughing boisterously.

10. The first thing I am going to do when I get home is go for a long drive around the coast and listen to all the songs I havent been able to listen to due to everyone thinking i am a weirdo for even having them on my iTunes. Example: Notorious BIG, A Perfect Circle, Usher.

11. Boys are fucking gross. I woke up in Berlin with Rick's undies from the previous night on my toothbrush. Most chicks would be stoked with this I realise, but the last thing I wanted to brush my gums with was scrotum.

12. DO NOT TAKE YOUR AUSTRALIAN SIM CARD TO LONDON.

13. I talk about Splendour A LOT. Maybe too much, but it is pretty much the best time of the year so fuck it.

14. If a man is inclined to go to Splendour of a year, then he is a catch.

15. "So now I've told you, now you know."

16. Everyone should be as masculine as Mumford and Sons, except women.

17. Everyone should know Paul Blackley as he is an amazing human being.

18. I was put in my place the other day when I asked a certain male what it was that he liked about women to which he replied, "They're good with their pussies and that." fucking hell.

19. S0me dudes can pull of a moustache and some really can not. Boys, figure out which one you are and run with it.

20. 2011 was the year of the moustache, 2o12 will be the year of the Amish chin strap.

21. It is so hard to not be scared to say how you really feel for fear of rejection or retribution. Sometimes I think it is just better to say it and hope for the best rather than let it consume you from the inside out.

22. I cant wait to have a Pasito.

23. Don't set off fireworks after having 150 shots of beer in 150 minutes or you will end up looking like Jimmy from South Park.

25. Scrambled Eggs are delicious!

26. Being hit on by an English boy is so much funnier. Example: "You alright gorgeous? you got a boyfren? lemme take you out for a drink, yeah?"

27. I realised while being over here that I can be shy, shocker I know.

28. If you are a girl you will be targeted by petty pranksters who throw fireworks or pizzas at you to make you scream (because they can't make you scream in any other way- pity.)

29. Don't jump fences in foreign countries otherwise you will come out the otherside looking like Jesus Christ. TRUE STORY.

30. Tell someone that they are beautiful or handsome if you think it is true. It wont make you look like an idiot, promise.