Tuesday, November 1, 2011
OLDER & WISER PART 7.
1. It doesnt take much to be friendly, to say hi and ask someone how they are. It takes heaps of effort to be sarcastic and rude, which makes you look like you care more. So it is a joke you are actually playing on yourself you witty bastard.
2. No one "bashes" anyone anymore, thank fuck. This isnt a school disco or Erina friday night. We are in our 20's. We are in...our....20s.
3. If you work for assholes, you will eventually become one- ABORT ABORT ABORT!
4. Dont call the fat chick "fat" because her best friend is probably the one with the mad tits and sweet puss, and then you will never get it, EVER.
5. Wearing a trucker hat should be banned. On men and women.
6. Listing all the brands you are wearing does not make you look like you know your shit, what it does make you look like is that you have spent way too much money on Vogue and Russh, spent way too much time sucking Alex Perry's dick (and we all know how much time and strain that would take), and give way too much of a shit about what people think of you- which ironically makes people think you are a wanker.
7. Watching boys pump iron in the gym makes me ill.
8. Watch your mouth more, it takes nothing to say nothing- but yelling at people or calling them names is tiresome and makes you look crazy. You then become the equivalent to those nut bags in Crown Street screaming insults at no one. You dont want that, do you? You just want a hug.
9. Tell someone that they look beautiful. Dont tell their friend, or their mailman, or the guy at the Caltex. Tell them. No one else wants to hear it, trust me I hear that shit all the time about my beautiful friends- especially being a girl (we compare ourselves to one another constantly and to our own inevitable detriment) we will just think about how we are not as good/pretty/hot/banging body/lovely/nice/special as the other chick you are talking about. It doesnt mean that we want you, or we want you to think that about us- it just means that we dont want to have another minute in the day consumed by the fact that we think we aren't as good as another.
10. Speaking of that, tell someone something nice about themselves today. It will make their day and make yours too from their reaction! No one is told enough about how lovely they are, but rather the opposite which is a crying shame, because most people are just wonderful and they make you feel happy when they are around- but by fuck they should know it! It wont make you look like a dick, and if they take it the wrong way (which will probably happen if you say it to 99% of men- NO WE DONT WANT YOU IN THAT WAY SETTLE DOWN!) then just keep moving on and dont lose momentum, just because they dont know how to take it isnt your problem.
11. 11/11/11- I dont give a shit.
12. Make a girl a Mix tape- it takes a lot more effort than writing: "hey gurl, wat chu up 2 dis avo? letz get a drink, U payen?" off your Nokia.
13. BOYS: Please try and use the word "cunt" in a lesser fashion around girls, DO NOT talk about shit in front of us girls or get all your mates a round and not ask if we want a drink. Its disgusting.
14. Initiative is the most underrated quality any could have. It makes girls happy in the sack and in the public, plus it makes us think you aren't a lazy so and so.
15. Movember makes all the indie boys wanna kill themselves. & all the indie girls wet themselves.
16. Sometimes when I see boys talk shit about girls I think that they secretly want to fuck them, but will never get a chance.
17. They need to stop playing Ben Harper in cafe's. Its doing my head in.
18. Models are equivalent in relevance to the world as a whole and the way they help society to the piece of paper they are printed on. Im sick of em. & no its not because I am a donkey and I wish I could be one- it is because it is yet another career path that pays ridiculous money for sweet fuck all! Yet the fucking teacher, educating your shitty offspring about their ABCs and 123 gets paid nada for doing a bajillion times the work etc etc you know the drill.
19. BASEketball is one of the best movies ever.
20. Yes I am reading Snooki's book Crown Street, dont give me those looks when you spot the neon pink cover. How uncouth walking down the street, how can she show her face! oh ho ho ho! snooki! who does she think she is?
GO FUCK YASELVES *SPITS*
21. I finally had a dumpling.
22. Irony is becoming ironic. what the fuck...
23. You dont need to be a fuckwit to get across to a girl that you are not interested in her. Be polite and explain to her your circumstance, she will still spread around that you are a dick but probably wont throw a drink on you.
24. I cant believe that just now everyone has realised that Qantas is fucked.
25. Dont worry about things until they have happened, only then you are fucked.